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Duties 6/28/2007
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they
had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a Woman from Iowa. He told her that
she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple
days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and
dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a Woman from Minnesota. He had
given his wife ...
2 Comments, 54 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Blonde joke 6/28/2007
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw
"911" on the back and thought it was a porsche!
0 Comments, 49 Views,
1 Votes
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Boy Scouts, Lawyers, And Priests 6/28/2007
Three boy scouts , a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a
plane that is about to crash. the pilot says "Well, we
only have 3 parachutes, lets give them to the 3 boy scouts.
they are young and have their whole lives in front of them"
the lawyer says "Fuck the boy scouts!" the priest
says, "Do we have time?"
0 Comments, 45 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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The Lone Ranger Learns A Valuable Lesson 6/28/2007
The lone ranger and tonto were riding on the range one day.
the two came to a stop, where tonto jumped off his and
put his head on the ground to listen to see if anyone was coming.
after a few seconds he rose and said, "Buffalo come"
the lone ranger was amazed and proclaimed "Damn you
indians are smart, how the hell did you know there were buffaloes
coming?" ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Sex in old age 6/28/2007
This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her
bed laughing and singing her husband walks into the bedroom
and sees her. he watches her for awhile then says, "You
look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?" she
says "i just got my check-up and my doctor says i have
the breasts of an eighteen year-old, "She starts
laughing and jumping again he says, ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
1 Votes
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101 Uses For Vaseline 6/28/2007
A woman answers the door to a market researcher. "Good
morning madam, i'm doing some research for vaseline.
do you use it at all in your household? "Oh yes, all
the time. its very good for cuts, grazes and burns."
"Do you use it for anything else? Like what?"
"Ahem...err..well..during..ahem..sex"
Oh, of corse. yes, i smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep
my husband out!"
0 Comments, 39 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Want A Scoop Honey? 6/28/2007
A husband comes home with a half gallon of ice cream. he asked
his wife if she wants some. 'How hard is it?" she
asked About as hard as my dick" he replies. to which
the woman replied. "Ok, then pour me some!
0 Comments, 51 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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A Excellent Costume Party idea 6/28/2007
there was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear
to go to a fancy costume party.....then he had a bright idea.
when the host answered the door, he found the guy standing
there with no shirt and socks on, "What the hell are
you supposed to be? asked the host A premature ejaculation",
said the man "i just came in my pants!"
0 Comments, 31 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Dirty joke 6/28/2007
A senior guy invited his girlfriend over because his parents
were gone for the weekend, so his girlfriend arrived at
his house they went to the bedroom and he forgot his little
brother was sleeping on the bottom bed so him and his girlfriend
went on the top bed and they started talking and things got
heated up so he said scream TOMATOES if you want it harder
and scream LETTUCE if you want a ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
1 Votes
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A Blonde Buys A Dildo 6/28/2007
one day this guy comes to work at a dildo shop. his boss leaves
for the day and puts him in charge of the shop. about an hour
later a black haired lady comes in and asks "How much
for your back dildos? the ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
1 Votes
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Short joke 6/28/2007
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pant's? A: Because
his pecker is on his head!
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
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Celebrity joke 6/28/2007
Q Whats monica's favorite intrument? A She's
good at the piano, but bad sucks at the organ!
0 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
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Celebrity joke 6/27/2007
Q Why did Bill clinton stop playing the saxophone? A He was
too busy playing the hormonica!
1 Comments, 37 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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Blonde joke 6/27/2007
Q What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? A FULL!
0 Comments, 46 Views,
1 Votes
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One liners 6/27/2007
Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? your wife
will always blow your bonus!
0 Comments, 33 Views,
1 Votes
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Bet 6/27/2007
this guy goes into a horror house and says he wants the best
blowjob he can get for $100. The madam says go to the room
take off all your clothes and we will be with you as soon as
possible. so he goes to the room and takes off all of his clothes
and a few minutes later a fine comes in the room. she
gives him a ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score
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Dying Beaver 6/27/2007
Little johnny was taking a shower with his grandma He casually
asked, "Grandma whats that? she replies, "Thats
my beaver little johnny didn't say another word. Two
days later he was taking a shower with his mom. little ...
0 Comments, 65 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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or drug dealer 6/27/2007
Q: why is it better to be a than a drug dealer? A: A can wash her crack and sell it again....
2 Comments, 94 Views,
10 Votes
,2.59 Score
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Hand cream 6/26/2007
there once were two priests, father dick and father ray.
one day after a very long mass, the two priests decided to
hit the showers, halfway through there showers, the priests
realized that there was no soap. so, father ray says ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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bar jokes 6/26/2007
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
the Bartender says "Why do you have a steering wheel
in your pants? the man replies i don't know but its driving
me nuts"
0 Comments, 35 Views,
1 Votes
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Political joke 6/26/2007
Bush and Gore were sitting in a restaurant to discuss the
craziness of the election, when the waitress came to take
their orders, Gore said, "i'll take the steak.
"When she asked Bush, he said, "i'll take
the quicky. "Gore motioned for the waitress to come
closer, and whispered into her ear "He means the quiche"
0 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
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Political joke 6/26/2007
WASHINGTON (REUTERS) A tragic fire on Monday destroted
the personal libray of President George W. Bush, both of
his books have been lost Presidential spokesman Ari Fleicher
said the President was devastated, as he had not finished
coloring the second one!
0 Comments, 26 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Political joke 6/26/2007
One day about a month ago, Bill clinton was looking for a
. He found three such ladies in a local lounge-----a
blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blonde he said
"i am the president of the united states. How much
would it cost me to spend sometime with you? The blonde replied, "Two
hundred dollars. "To the brunette he posed the same
question, and she replied, "One hundred dallors
"He then ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Political joke 6/26/2007
Bill clinton and Al Gore were taking a shower at the gym after
a strenous exercise. Bill looked down at Al's dick
and was shocked at how big it was. "My GOD, Al, that
thing is Huge! How'd you get it that big? "Bill
asked in awe. "Well every night, i whack it three times
against the bedpost, "He answered proudly, "Well
i'll have to try that, "Bill said. so that night
, when Bill got home, Hilary ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
1 Votes
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Why Was Raggedy Ann Thrown Out Of The Toy Box 6/26/2007
Q: Why Was Raggedy Ann Thrown out of the toy box? A: She kept
sitting on pinocchio's Face "Saying "Lie
to Me!"
0 Comments, 18 Views,
0 Votes
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The Golf Pro 6/26/2007
A father put his three year old to bed, told her
a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God
bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it
just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange
...
2 Comments, 85 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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What's in a name? 6/26/2007
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in
Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star."
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had
the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in ...
3 Comments, 60 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Of Beasts and Birds 6/26/2007
The guys were hangin at the bar last night, and spouting
the usual trash. Joe decided he would liken some of the crew
to animals; Jay was the Lion; big, brave and damn hairy.
Mike was a fox - cunning, nocturnal and very very ginger.
Me - a bear; fat-assed, grumpy and very often slumped on
all-fours.
In a logical twist, it moved on to birds. Joe the Kingfisher,
with all those tales of ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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Birds are man's best friend too. 6/25/2007
A man was in the pet shop and saw a peculiar looking parrot
looking at him. He went closer to get a better look and was surprised to hear
the parrot say "What are you lookin' at?"
The pet store owner came up to apologize but the man told
him it was okay. The man was very interested in the bird so
he decided to buy it. On the way home he was talking with the
bird and said that the manager had ...
2 Comments, 71 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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Smart Ass ! 6/25/2007
There was this guy who was in love with his wife but his job
took up a lot of his time. One Sunday afternoon, his wife
came home and said the boys were out playing, and maybe they
should do some playing of their own. The man thought about this and decided she was right. He embraced her and they began to kiss passionately. She
felt him getting hard and said he'd best be getting
that condom on and ...
3 Comments, 125 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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