My Sexual User's Guide v. 1.0
|
Posted:Jun 28, 2018 11:27 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2018 3:52 pm 4559 Views
|
PHILOSOPHY To be honest, I still struggle with sexual trauma of my past, but as I get older, I'm embracing that I'm a sexual being deserving of pleasure and wanting to give pleasure. Sex is natural, nudity is natural and our bodies- what they can and can't do aren't anything to be ashamed of. Nothing wrong with what your desires are. Sex isn't a weapon to be used to coerce or harm anyone emotionally, physically, or psychologically. Sex should be a consensual act between adults of legal age. There should be no pressure to have sex if a person isn't ready. I believe that people shouldn't be punished for consenting, and then changing their minds later on; their decision should be respected. I believe that the government should fuck off when it comes to what two or more consenting adults do in their bedroom. I believe women should have more sexual freedom, and that their bodies aren't objects or ornaments. I believe that not all men oversexed, and that some do want to have sex when they feel ready. Just like I dont believe that all women are demure and have a low sex drive.
ORIENTATION:
I'm straight, boo. Because I dislike how men tend to treat women and I'm very vocal about that doesn't mean I'm going to switch teams. Now what type of man, the less touched by toxic masculine stereotypes the better.
PREFERENCES
*A no pressure daytime meet in public, i.e the mall, starbucks (or a better coffee spot) or over lunch.
*I don't have a car, so I prefer being picked up. If you don't have a car, I can make it by uber, but this would have to be at the top of the month.
*To host at my place, since I feel safer and have the home advantage. Right now I live with family with a religious mom and two small children (not mines), so if you can pop for a room, that's fine. If you can host at your place, even better.
*To have conversation, a massage or cuddle; I have anxiety disorder and before sex is when I'm the most nervous. Even if I'm into the guy, I need reassurance and it's nothing personal against the guy.
*Proper hygiene, a clean space and clean clothes. I always shower, brush my teeth, etc, and trim my pubic hair (unless I'm lazy) and clean my area before meeting someone, and I expect the same.
*To have antibacterial wipes or hand sanitizer on hand, and to not use spit as lube since I'm prone to yeast infections and BV. Not a neat freak, just careful when it comes to germs and sexual contact.
*If we haven't agreed ahead of time that it's a casual but "monogamous" thing with both of us having been tested recently- I HIGHLY prefer using condoms. I have an IUD, but the nature of the device won't allow me catching STI.
*To have a slightly warm-ish room, because I feel I perform better when I'm not cool or freezing.
*To have water or gatorade and snacks on hand. Because you work up and appetite and you sweat, duh. Also because no one can perform on an empty stomach, and I also get low blood sugar.
*To at least go more than one round and have more than one orgasm, if possible. Of course there's schedules to consider, but in general I don't normally care for just one go around. Even if it's just helping me while I get my ownself off.
*To please each other equally; I don't do selfish lovers or "pillow princess" shit. I give back as good as he gives me. If you can't, don't expect to see me again.
*To use toys and sexual aids (like lube for example) to enhance the experience, and not to be shamed or embarrassed or denied using toys and aids. (some guys have tried to get me off by sheer will, but I do need outside stimulation that's more than just vaginal penetration and mindless thrusting)
*Boundaries and consent, and to discuss anything we'd like to do before entering into a sexual relationship. Not forced to do anything I don't want to, and the guy to have the same expectation.
TURN ONS (physical)
Toned shoulders
Graceful necks
Forearms
Brunettes - not dirty blonde, or plain brown hair but rich and dark brown, dark auburn
"Salt & pepper" brunettes
Bald guys with groomed beards
Groomed beards and stubble
Abs
Full lips or well-shaped mouths
Freckles and moles
Pale, but not transclusent skin
Curly or wavy hair
Thick and groomed eyebrows
Husky/thick built men, i.e "big handsome men", "dad bods", pre-Marvel Chris Pratt, "teddy bears"
Swimmer's build, i.e tall, lean and athletic or short, athletic and lean
Dimples
Eyelashes
Bubble butts
Toned calves and thighs
Scars (depending on the guy and where the scars are located)
Adonis belts
**keep in mind, any of these in combination and not all are set in stone
TURN ONS (sexual)
Grunts, long and vulnerable moaning, groans
Uncut cock
Hangy ballsacks
Guys who pre cum
Grinding against my backside or crotch during foreplay
Ear play: heavy breathing, licking, lightly stroking, lobe nibbling
"Begging" to be inside me
Breast and nipple play: licking, nibbling, pinching, kneading, groping, sucking, etc
Nipple play and making out
Displays of strength (if at all possible): picked up and carried, yanked towards him, being pinned down during sex
Necking
TURN OFFS/ OFF LIMITS
Pushiness/impatience
Negging, begging, any form of manipulation
R*** fantasies
Scat, blood, spit
Incest fantasies
Bestiality
Children
Bad hygiene (unkempt hair and or facial hair, long nails, dirty clothes, BO, untrimmed or unshaved pubes, stank breath)
Lying about important things, i.e having a partner, having children
Disregard for sexual health, i.e not using condoms
Sexually aggressive from the jump
Being called "sweetie" or any term of endearment without knowing me
For White guys, asking me "If I ever been with a white guy" or basically implying that your interest in me is for bucket list purposes
FETISHES
Ass play: rimming, fingering, groping, biting
Bulges, hard-ons, dick prints and outlines
Creampies
Oil play - coconut oil/baby oil/lubed handjobs
Spanking - ass and breasts
Sensory stimulation: fabrics across the nipples and clit for example, aural stimulation: distinctive voices, being vocal
Nipples
Facesitting
Hickies
Parked car sex
Passive exhibitionism
Hands and finger worship (if he has nice hands)
Biting: wrists, upper back, butt, collar bone
Favorite positions
Doggy style, cowgirl, missionary, spooning position, belly down w/ guy on top
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
Why do guys think that "good sex" has to hurt?
|
Posted:Sep 24, 2018 8:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2018 10:40 am 79 Views
|
Maybe it's my getting older, and my body responding in kind but having rough and intense sex is, well, getting too painful to handle. It's unfortunate, because I'm a fan of hot and heavy romps and marathon fucking. It's especially unfortunate, because I'm finally coming into my own (no pun) after being timid, self conscious about my body, hesitant to express my needs or to take the lead.
Sex has gotten literally too painful. It's fine in the beginning, but after, my vagina is rubbed raw. Lack of lubrication probably or dare I say guys don't really bother winding me up? I know it's a matter of communication, but not all men will honor your request to nibble your neck, lightly stroke your ear, bite your clavicle, pinch your nipples and fill your mouth with their tongue...
Ahem. Cough. 😌
Also, maybe with some women and porn stars, they like having you flop ontop like an epileptic fish, smashing your pussy into mush, damn near grazing your cervix...but I don't. Some men think that women don't want gentle, they want to have an episiotomy without the childbirth. I come to find slow and gentle wins the race. Not the mindless and mechanical. 🙄
After two months, I'm hanging out with "Veggie", my FWB this evening. I think I might propose this more gentle approach.
And remember guys, good sex doesn't have to hurt. Slow it down, get her heated up. I mean, you don't sear steak in a cold pan, why would you want to fuck a dry cooch?
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
Maybe more..
|
Posted:Sep 23, 2018 5:24 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2018 10:40 pm 211 Views
|
Seems like all attempts to block the morning light coming through my window has failed, so here's a quick post since I can't sleep now.
I find it ironic and funny when I see the phrase "maybe more" following up the uninspiring, "looking for fun/looking for a FWB/NSA/DHS/FBI, etc." Because I thought that anything in the way of romantic relationships were an anathema...then again, what do guys mean by "maybe more" anyway? Maybe more avocado with your burrito bowl at Chipotle? Maybe more comforter if we dare share a bed together after sex?  Ohh, I know! Maybe more time to fuck you before I bust a nut prematurely. Has to be it.
I'm sorry. I just find it interesting that despite a place that broadcasts scattered ass and the guarantee that you will get some that night has the whole rare guy wanting a fuck that has potential for growth into something meaningful. That said, I can indulge the optimistic, if he's genuine.
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
How affectionate are you?
|
Posted:Sep 14, 2018 4:13 pm
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2018 2:43 pm 616 Views
|
So, I'm confined to bed rest, that's boring so here's a post for good measure.
I was talking to my married friend, "H" aka Papi and the topic got on affection after I lamented that the worst thing with being sick was the fact that there's no one around to snuggle and look after me. Agreeing he commiserated saying that there's none in his marriage (which by now, typical and a cliché), that he doesn't even get snuggled if that. Him and his wife love each other, even sleep in the same bed, but no sex and affection because of his wife's growing health issues.
I confessed that I wasn't naturally affectionate. Must be a generational thing as my mother wasn't huggy and kissy with us, just as her mother wasn't either. I mean, I am affectionate but it's not spontaneous and demonstrative, and it's more with lovers and less with family and friends. Even with lovers I don't really tend to be either. I chalk it up to the bullying and the sexual abuse in my childhood that I might be what's considered "cold and withdrawn".
However, as of late its all I've been wanting to do. Papi and men like him are refreshing, because when he got the okay, he was all over me like white on rice. He puts a lot of feeling into it which is what I've been missing as well. "Veggie", my estranged FWB, I had to subtly chide into snuggles and even then it was more awkward than genuine. Papi is the breath of fresh air I need and crave. Too bad he's married, but it's not like his wife is giving him anything.
So what do you think?
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
How affectionate are you?
|
Posted:Sep 14, 2018 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2018 10:46 am 531 Views
|
I'm confined to bed rest, that's boring so here's a post for good measure.
I was talking to my married friend, "H" aka Papi and the topic got on affection after I lamented that the worst thing with being sick was the fact that there's no one around to snuggle and look after me. Agreeing he commiserated saying that there's none in his marriage (which by now, typical and a cliché), that he doesn't even get snuggled if that. Him and his wife love each other, even sleep in the same bed, but no sex and affection because of his wife's growing health issues.
I confessed that I wasn't naturally affectionate. Must be a generational thing as my mother wasn't huggy and kissy with us, just as her mother wasn't either. I mean, I am affectionate but it's not spontaneous and demonstrative, and it's more with lovers and less with family and friends. Even with lovers I don't really tend to be either. I chalk it up to the bullying and the sexual abuse in my childhood that I might be what's considered "cold and withdrawn".
However, as of late its all I've been wanting to do. Papi and men like him are refreshing, because when he got the okay, he was all over me like white on rice. He puts a lot of feeling into it which is what I've been missing as well. "Veggie", my estranged FWB, I had to subtly chide into snuggles and even then it was more awkward than genuine. Papi is the breath of fresh air I need and crave. Too bad he's married, but it's not like his wife is giving him anything.
What do you think?
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Drowning in phlegm
|
Posted:Sep 14, 2018 12:38 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2018 9:48 pm 627 Views
|
Sorry for the AWOL job. Besides being bored to tears by this place, it seems like around the time I wrote my last blog, I started to come down with something, which by Tuesday was full blown. Everyone else had pneumonia in the house, so I assumed that's what I had. Long story short, a random FB friend told me that the longer I had it, the more likely it was that I'd get scarring on my lungs. So that was enough to scare me into going to an urgent care clinic.
Blah blah blah, I have bronchitis instead. I have a steady diet of powerade, chicken noodle soup (which I'm getting tired of) antibiotics, and cough medicine. My room looks like a sick person inhabits it: tissue everywhere, vaporub, empty powerade bottles and with those empties-- as I so call it, it's a makeshift spittoon. Hey, the phlegm has to go somewhere.
To amuse me during my bed rest, movies and binge watching TV shows. I hadn't even cracked open my Christmas gift, the complete series of Daria including the TV movies. It's really underrated and definitely the golden age of MTV when they showed good TV and music videos.
Anyway, I can't sleep which is counterproductive to me getting well. That and asshole younger siblings stressing me out.
* phlegmy cough * OK, going to try to sleep.
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
The argument for Good Girls, Nice Guys and the Friendzone
|
Posted:Sep 9, 2018 10:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2018 7:12 pm 799 Views
|
This is inspired by a sweet friend's lament. In fact, this is for anyone who has lost out on relationships sexual or romantic because they were deemed "too nice". I often wonder why that's been so? Especially when the consensus around this place and other dating sites (don't "at me" about this being just a sex site) is that men and women treat each other terribly.
I'm balancing a lot here, between not putting the onus on nice folks to not be so "nice" as in being abusive and selfish, nor people who keep choosing shitty people to be more discerning to the point of mistrust...
When it comes to "niceness", it usually comes from a place of people pleasing, which boils down to not wanting to be alone. I know that all too well, but in the end, all that does is make you an easy mark. An easy mark, and a person that can be ignored. I will admit that I have been on the user's end - taking advantage of nice things done for me and ignoring the guy, finding ways to dodge him. This is why being "mean" aka assertive won't kill you in the dating world. When you're assertive and politely "don't give a fuck", men and women find that appealing. I guess it's the "FOMO effect"? I guess it's also because in the West, we celebrate an individual and independent mindset, as opposed to putting more emphasis on the collective.
Yes, I come to find that the less needy a guy is of my attention, the more I think about him and want his attention. He doesn't have to be a selfish dipstick or treat me terribly which has been the traditional very often perpetuated belief for decades. It's just him having his own life and personality that doesn't rely on him being everyone's door mat. I call it a "healthy unavailability".
I'm basically saying to nice people that you can still be friendly, respectful, generous and sweet - do your own thing, have your own life. Set up healthy boundaries and enforce them. Don't be afraid to say no. Don't be afraid to be alone. If you have a full social life going on, someone will find that appealing...
I know that I implied that nice folks are boring, but maybe for some, that's not a bad thing. Nothing wrong with "settled and good" and for all we know - that boring, settled, and stable nice person was probably a wild child who needed a change. Maybe they might let some of that out just to keep you on your toes. Don't underestimate nice folks like us, is my point there.
Lastly, and some will hate me for it, but "the friendzone" doesn't exist. It just makes people who went in with expectations of sex or a relationship victims who wallow in their own victimhood. That's how the Nice Guy/ Good Girl ™ narrative starts. It demonizes women and men for being reasonable. I'm not saying that people who abuse other's feelings don't exist, but for the case of unrequited love, find someone who is interested in you and vice versa.
I hope this have been food for thought. Direct your hate or praise in the comments below.
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
Do you have a pattern of lovers?
|
Posted:Sep 7, 2018 5:45 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2018 7:58 am 945 Views
|
Sigh. Loooong drama-filled Friday, so something that isn't about crappy family members and Bunny Boiler ex girlfriends of my best friend.who are jealous of me, mkay?
Do you have a pattern of people you keep falling for, whether they're lovers and/or more serious relationships? It can be looks or personalities, for good or for ill. The point is, does your personal history keep repeating itself?
In the case of my good and close friend "Darrell" he seems to have a thing for women who are either possessive and controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive, or just New Agey hoodoo believers in "wellness" and holistic medicine. Which totally clashes with the fact that he's an atheist. He made of a joke of it as he does saying that he attracts unstable women like that, because "like attracts like". At least in the case of the New Agey types, he lives on the West Coast of Canada, a more liberal-ish part of Canada...so is that a surprise?
As for your girl here....sigh, either roughnecks, raised around black folks or romantically attracted to black women like my ex-boyfriend "Erik" or ex lover "Josh" who was more a mix of "hoodrat" and "shit kicking cowboy" right down to his hat and boots. Maybe another lover, "Finn" who basically looked like a black dude dipped in vanilla, who had big lips and an overbite that loved basketball and was a street dancer with pretentious taste in music. Also, an undiagnosed narcissist.
On the other spectrum- geeky, bearded and brunette manchildren who end up being emotionally or geographically distant. Like "Darrell" who is "King Nerd" and an -school geek who's proud of it. But he's not brunette...yet I love the guy more than a fat kid loves cake. Him, not so much...but we're still close.
These days, DILFs, older men and ethically non-monogamous married men. Hey, a hot mess when it comes to taste in guys.
So what say you and your taste? I know it's cliche, but the last one with DILFs, married men and older men- definitely issues. Like I said again...hot mess.¯\_(ツ)_/¯
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
I'm coining a new phrase: "Titty Stingy"
|
Posted:Sep 6, 2018 10:43 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2018 10:15 pm 986 Views
|
Maybe it'll find itself in the ubiquitously used Urban Dictionary someday 
Anyway, what is "Titty Stingy", you ask? My official definition is: During foreplay, or intercourse one whom withholds giving breasts and nipples their due attention. Perhaps because of disinterest, inexperience or being distracted by other points of arousal or sexual pleasure. Or he's just being a bastard. Antonym: "Titty Generous"
I guess my best example of that is a guy who doesn't attention to what a woman has said is the key to her arousal, and starts to go his own way. Of course this results in a lousy time in bed, which of course means it's the woman's fault for being a "cold fish" in bed.
What it means to me is a guy who is inattentive, maybe absently squeezes at them. He probably gets a genuine moan from me if he sucks the nipple right....so of course he's going to stop doing it. He spends all but five minutes doing that, and then he wants to penis you because he's hard as a rock, but you're as wet as the Gobi desert.
Bonus tip(s) : At least with me...start slow. Kiss me and caress everything before getting to the breasts. When you're there, don't snatch them out yet, just tease. By teasing: kiss the cleavage, explore the outside with your lips. If you're good at tracking, tease my nipples from outside the bra. Then gently knead, squeeze, admiring their softness. When I say so, take them out to suckle with moderate pressure using gentle nibbles and tongue. If you're an advanced suckler, you can stuff most of it your mouth and suck from the areola root because that's a guaranteed panty creamer. That and either suckling one nipple and twiddling the other with your fingers. Or playing with nipples whilst making our.
Now, are we clear?
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
Why not date a woman from here?
|
Posted:Sep 6, 2018 2:46 pm
Last Updated:Sep 8, 2018 12:04 am 1068 Views
|
Coming from Lala's post, "Good girls don't" has me to thinking... I mean traversing this site as long as I have, I've stumbled upon many married men with the same complaint: ' in a sexless marriage! HALP! " I don't know, maybe their spouse started out with a healthy interest in sex, and they had a fabulous sex life in the beginning. Now, it's in the toilet after so many together, but that's neither here nor there right now.
For men who say that they would never be caught dating a woman they met here...why not? Just wondering why in the face of, "This ain't eharmony, this is a SEXXXXX SITTTEUHHH!" and, "We all know what we're here for!" Some men tend to have a more conservative view than their nasty little lust filled minds let on. I just find that men loooove sex so much, that they wouldn't consider a romantic relationship with a woman from here. 🙄 Waoow.
Again, why not? What's the point of protecting a reputation if you're on here as well? Secondly, barring that you don't get sick of each other, you can have a great sex life with the right woman from here. Because thirdly - yeah, my options are open to more, but I also use this place as intended. And men come to me because more in tune with my self in that arena. Fourthly, a woman who is sexual and is a well rounded person can and do exist. She's right on this site. Fifthly (is that a word?) I don't speak for all, but if there's women on here actively looking for a sex partner that means she has an open mind about sex, or at least wants to branch out and explore. Not all women here are trying to snag a husband; just because wanting a bit of respect, intelligent conversation and conversation before, during and after doesn't mean we're going to the court house. Lastly, adult dating sites and conventional ones like eharmony, etc are interchangeable. I have gotten more sex from places like that than from here in past three . AdultFriendFinder xmatch Sex Finder Site xmatch Sex Finder Site or eharmony, it's all the same, just different advertising.
Everyone is a sexual being, wrapping that up in outdated, patriarchal, repressive ideals about dating expectations and gender roles isn't going to change that.
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
Oh how you've changed!
|
Posted:Sep 6, 2018 9:30 am
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2018 12:00 pm 1023 Views
|
Usually when I've heard this phrase, it's never been in a positive context, but that person isn't in my life anymore, because he's a hypocrite who had also changed for the worst. Then again, I feel like it's been a mix of good and bad habits picked up - a result of and response to my environment, the people I met, and circumstances that blindside me.
How have you changed? I'll be 37 in two weeks, and I suppose this is a progress report of sorts.
I guess for me it's been a mix as I've said...
I've looked back on my exploits with the gone, but trying to forget "Josh" and this new guy "H" and I think I've softened my stance on married men. I don't just jump in, I step back and deliberate after a bit of scrutiny and a lot of discussions. More often than not, I highly prefer single men because it's less headache and heartache, even if the guy is non monogamous. I should've put that in quotes, because most men who say they are, aren't. They just have a partner that doesn't give a fuck anymore, literally sometimes and they take that as permission to fuck around.
guessing this is sexual, because I've also noticed that becoming more comfortable with my wants and needs. I know what gets me off and willing to communicate with my sexual partners instead of just shrugging to whatever the guy wants in order not to lose him. I come to find that most men want to make you happy in bed. And they want to listen to your suggestions. I said most, not all.
I also notice that what gets me off is veering away from the vanilla, but I've been a kinked up girl for awhile now. This is pre-50SoG before there was a bandwagon of wannabe subs, Doms, slaves and masters. What you see on that pinned post is just the tip of the iceberg, but it's hard finding someone to trust who wants to explore safely, and isn't trying to take out some repressed anger on you or wants to just get his rocks off and leave.
getting a little bit more confident, which from me is saying a lot. I've been messaging guys first to no avail, because it seems as if the beggars have gotten choosy. I've been enjoying my body without shame because I enjoy the attention that I get in bed, and starting to believe the praise lovers give me. I still struggle at times with self esteem, because it's hard to shake being told that you're ugly for most of your natural life. I just wish I had the money to dress as confident as I feel, but c'est la vie.
Oh, and my libido....geez. Then again, I hear that it's going to be pretty high at this age. Honestly, I want to fuck all the time. I mean it's not totally out of my control, but when my mind is clear and not stressed or in an extended depressed period...watch out. It's hard to focus on arousal when anyone can walk right in at any time, because...family. Fuck your life, Amy. Hard to fantasize about getting double stuffed when you got your sister's kids banging their toys and screeching like little banshees right outside your door, literally.
Speaking of which, I think I've become more patient and long suffering. Still annoyed that I've been placed here with my family, but as long as my autonomy is respected, and I can come and go as I please, spend my money how I like and aren't saddled with excessive responsibility...whatevs.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (amy_G_dala) use [blog amy_G_dala] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
11
|
2
|
32
|
4
|
52
|
63
|
72
|
8
|
|
91
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
143
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
211
|
22
|
|
231
|
241
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Most Recent Comments by Others
| Why do guys think that "good sex" has to hurt? (12) | bitchkitty2017
Sep 24, 2018 10:13 am |
| Maybe more.. (14) | dayzeeme
Sep 23, 2018 8:12 am |
| Still here (8) | jolielaide
Sep 22, 2018 8:16 pm |
| How affectionate are you? (22) | marriedcretin
Sep 21, 2018 7:48 pm |
| How affectionate are you? (1) | jolielaide
Sep 15, 2018 9:24 pm |
| Drowning in phlegm (4) | jolielaide
Sep 14, 2018 11:27 am |
| The argument for Good Girls, Nice Guys and the Friendzone (17) | BiggLala
Sep 11, 2018 5:26 pm |
| I'm coining a new phrase: "Titty Stingy" (13) | dayzeeme
Sep 9, 2018 7:32 pm |
| Do you have a pattern of lovers? (21) | Blackiron35
Sep 8, 2018 9:32 pm |
| Why not date a woman from here? (23) | tresennui
Sep 7, 2018 9:25 pm |
| Oh how you've changed! (3) | luvgluv19
Sep 6, 2018 10:43 am |
|
